FOG OF WORRY: PRISSY THINGS
FOG OF WORRY: SKETCHY
JESUS AND STUFF
Ramblings about faith and comedy and crap
I freely admit I like me some schlock. I am a full-on fan of cheesy stuff. Over the years we have had quite a kitsch souvenir collection, which includes a huge ceramic Las Vegas die, a plaster “Welcome to Florida” alligator with his throat open to joyfully hold toothpicks, and a jewel-encrusted Statue of Liberty. My favorite is in my hubby’s floaty-pen collection. It’s the Last Supper, and when you angle the pen, the loaf of bread slides back-and-forth on the table, from disciple to disciple. Jesus sits in the middle, patiently like he does, waiting for those wacky disciples to simmer down with the bread, already. Low art is very high art, in my opinion.
I love those Sy-Fy (gaaaah, I HATE spelling it like that!) Channel movies like Slither, and Anacondas: Curse of the Blood Orchid, and, yes, one of my favorites is Mansquito!
There is nothing like seeing people morph into giant-sized things we already hate! Except for Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. Because I LOVE tomatoes. My point is, these creatures are such that even the best HR department could not deal with them.
“Mansquito, please stop feeding on the guys in the mail room. We need them. Maybe you could try sucking the blood of someone from middle management.”
“Swamp Thing, can you please wear Crocs or something? You are schmutzing up the carpet by the water cooler.”
“Blob, can you be a little more of a team player? There is no “I” in the word ‘team!”.
Saving Sharknado for a special weekend.
You know what? I even sorta liked those hell movies they showed us at youth retreats to scare us into accepting Jesus. They were über-schlock! To be clear, these are extreme tactics, but hey, I DID get baptized again!! And I mean, dunked, baby, none of that sprinkling stuff. We Baptists-at-heart like to see people just go for it, full-on humiliation, in a clingy, wet, white robey-thingie. Yes, mis amigos, choose your underwear carefully for your rendezvous with the Baptismal pool.
Yep, I got Baptized twice. Maybe I just had better underwear to show off the second time around, you say. Nope. I just wanted to make sure it “took.”
Long story short (too late, you whine), I’m a follower of Jesus. I lurv me some Jesus. But, the last few years, I’ve wanted very little to do with American Christian Culture.
Or, I should say, I would rather have a LOT to do with the less-publicized believers, the ones who aren’t sure about everything, and who don’t think to follow Jesus is to be equated with following Republicans. Seriously, it’s not the same thing. Wish I could Mail-Chimp that to all the right people. I don’t think Jesus is concerned with our stupid politics here. But maybe that’s because I have a dear friend from Syria, and a student from Nigeria, and I listen to BBC news . . . so I think Jesus is thinking about more important stuff than the Sunday morning talk shows, and who brought who to the White House Correspondents Club Conference Prom Thingy. We don't care, really, we just like the comedians. But maybe I'm biased.
I don’t actually usually talk politics or religion much (if ever) in my standup comedy act. So far. I guess so far I’ve saved that for print and the interwebs.
Onstage, I just talk about IMPORTANT stuff like my uterine bulge, and the size of fast-food drinks! I mean, genius, original stuff like, “Whoaaa, have y’all noticed how big a Big Gulp can get?? Whoaaaaaa. Really big.” The comedy of legends.
And I don’t equate talking about Jesus with talking about religion. I think we need to be able to laugh about our questions, so I just wonder out loud about stuff, like I did when I worked in comedy clubs (and hell-holes, too!), putting 1,000 miles a week on my Dodge Raider. I like doing church events though, because they almost always involve very good food. And very nice people, who rarely throw things.
In the last few years I realized, hey, there are churches that will pay a funny Christian to do comedy for their events. What a great fit! I’m funny AND I lurv me some Jesus!! Woooot. I remember the first Christian comedians gathering (yes, we gather, does that frighten you?) I ever attended, and the people at my dinner table thought I was such a hero for working out in the “highways and the hedges,” in the clubs. It puzzled me, because I’ve always thought it was awesome to get to go work in comedy clubs, and loved the green room, and the people you meet and work with. It didn’t seem like a “Livingston, I presume?” sitch to me at all. But I’m weird, so that works for me.
There was a rumor going around in the Christian Comedy Community (I dunno, it felt like it should be capitalized) for a while that some people were pretending to be Christians so that they could get work in churches. All I could say was, “Who the hell would do THAT?” Nobody does that. Really? That’s kinda hilarious. I mean, who would do that?!
But more and more, as the years have gone by, as I’ve become more liberal, less sure of everything, and more clingy to actual Jesus than to church tradition, I've learned some things.
I know it takes bravery to speak up for your beliefs, no matter what side you are on. But your bravery depends on where you are. Like, if you are playing big Christian arenas and concerts and events all the time, and you think you are in the fray, you are just being silly. If you are only hanging around “your” people, you are taking the safe route. Same with liberals. We should all mix it up a little.
I am not dissing these groups, I love working for these groups. It’s comfy! Did I say that? Is it the volunteers who are so caring? The beaming, welcoming, friendly audiences? The gift baskets? The lack of things being thrown at the stage?
It’s all of the above, and it’s like totally awesome.
I’m serious about the humor business. It has made me a living for about 30 years now, from page to stage.
I’m at a point in my life, and in my career, (use air quotes here!), that I do see all that bad-mouthing and back-stabbing and people-dunking (wait, that doesn’t go here) as just speedbumps in life.
Jesus said to expect crap like that.
Well said, Jesus.*
*Before I get a hundred missives dashed off from post-milennialists who think I’m being blasphemous, I do NOT mean to imply Jesus said stuff like “crap,” or “floaty-pen,” but then, I also do not mean to imply that he DIDN’T.
FOG OF WORRY: ONE DAY AT A TIME
FOG OF WORRY: SKETCHBOOK
Laughing Redhead: last night's sketch
Last night went to Bistro d'Oc in DC after seeing "For No Good Reason" with some cartoonist friends at E Street Cinema. It's the movie where Johnny Depp interviews artist Ralph Steadman (and they wax nostalgic about hanging with Hunter Thompson.) Anyway, did this at the bar with a Pentel brush pen, then filled it in when I got home, with a Pentel Hybrid Technica and Derwent INK BLACK water soluble pencil. Did this on Canson Illustration paper, cut down and put into a sketchbook, held together with binder rings. This way I can carry all kinds of paper with me in one place, for urban sketching, and random sketching of bat-angels. In other interesting info, Bistro d'Oc was owned by my husband's family in the 1880s, when it was the Logan Cafe and Boarding House. We have photos of the family there, and original menus and business cards. It shares a wall with the Andersen home, where Lincoln passed . . . and is directly across from Ford's Theatre. Had a good Sauvignon Blanc, too :)
FOG OF WORRY: PONYTAIL
FOG OF WORRY: DOOMBUNNIES
FOG OF WORRY: THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL . . .
FOG OF WORRY: EARLY IN THE MORNING
FOG OF WORRY: ACTUAL BROWNIE MIXES!
FOG OF WORRY: SCARY WITHOUT MAKEUP
BODEGAS OF THE ZOMBPOCALYPSE
FOG OF WORRY: HONEY BOO-BOO
FOG OF WORRY: 10-40
FOG OF WORRY: THE BAD SELFIES
FOG OF WORRY: WRITING AND SICH
Freelancing FOR DECADES messes with your brain pan. For writers, actors, artists, musicians, singer/songwriters, comics, directors, filmmakers, cartoonists, poets, this is success: when you keep on keepin' on. Which is a sentence which may not convince you that I'm actually a professional writer. I actually get paid to write stuff. Mostly humor. I'm hoping to get paid to write some scary stuff, too someday. So, I'm writing it. The best money I usually make at my HUMOR writing is getting behind a microphone in front of a few hundred or thousands of people, and making them laugh for about an hour. But it still all comes back to the writing. And that's probably my favorite part, because it doesn't require SPANX or mascara or strip searches by the TSA. I want to encourage all y'all freelancers (yes, I talk that way) to hang in there. Don't give up. Keep on Keepin' On. Hang in There. (And other clichés! I'm picturing that stupid kitty poster from the 70s where the kitty is hanging onto a branch! Maybe this is why I like dogs better!!)
Mainly I say this encouragement crap because I'm saying it to myself. I know it's true, it's not really crap, but freelancing is such a roller coaster. Feast or famine. If you go by your paychecks, you mistakenly see yourself, alternating, from creative genius to pond scum (and not the pretty chartreuse kind.)
You may not be making untold kabillions, (which is certainly not to say that you won't) or get paid occasionally in coupons (which I have admittedly), but working in a field you love, or doing the things you love to do, on a daily basis, is a great thing. My son reminded me of this one day when I was bitching about a little bitty famine period. (It was a HUGE famine period, but I had you there for a minute, didn't I?) Really, creating for a living is a blessing, it's a blessing you have chosen, though sometimes it may feel like a curse. When you are discussing why it matters for you to get an advance against royalties for your writing, or why you should get paid for doing artwork for a greeting card company, or you're looking down the long list of outstanding submissions and emails which no one has answered, or replacing that printer cartridge once again, and thinking whuuuuuut the hell am I buying more ink for? This is RICH. THIS is optimism. This is wild, unfettered hope.
Is wild hope for creative types just eternally dangling a plastic carrot?
I don't think so. Maybe because I have friends all over the map, some of y'all have movies on the big screen as we speak, others have won Emmys and are now writing some of my OTHER favorite shows . . . others have several animation series under their belts, and new ones in production . . . or are in the storyboarding process of their next animated feature; others are negotiating with studios on sitcoms and movies and some are writing their 50th or 70th books - which are actually being published, and not just on their home printers. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) And I'm soooooo excited when I hear my buds interviewed on NPR or when I can buy a ticket to a movie they wrote on the big screen. And I think of the thousands of my creative friends (hey, Facebook) who aren't there yet, who are still waiting and creating, or who have been there, but aren't now. And I want to encourage us all. Because you know what? Once you get a movie or a sitcom or a cartoon or your own TV series or book tour - it doesn't mean it's all smooth going (has watching 30 ROCK taught you nothing, compadre?!)
The oh-so-scientific study I conducted in my head while I was writing this tells me that all these people have one thing in common: they are still writing. They kept on writing. They are writing now, and they were writing then.
Let's keep writing and drawing and dreaming and submitting. I have a file full of rejection notices and plan to ModPodge them all on a wall someday in a gallery installation I'll call, "Try, Try Again." Or maybe "Try, Try, Again."
Editor, pleeeez . . .