I've always thought it would be great to be able to fly. I picture being able to fly in the way Superman does, just hoppin' to it - no wings, no jetpack, no accoutrement. I like travelin' light. But, being the practical girl that I am, I figure there needs to be some actual method to this madness, so naturally I wish for wings. In the Mutant fashion. See, the capital "M" means I'm referring to X-Men, k? Not those horror flix you watch late at night. OK, I watch them more than you do. But I digress. My point is, I want wings.
Now, being the Dracula-phile that I am, and loving angels like I do, I have two choices, the leathery batty kinda wings, or the great feathery, Gabriel-the-Archangel-inspired-wings. (Is Archangel like "arch enemy?" This has always bothered me.)
Also, see how great I am at quickly narrowing a field, as in TWO choices of wings? This is why you would like shopping with me. Because I HATE shopping. I scan a place from the outside, quickly decide if I want to enter, then, do another scan, and either turn heel or spend five minutes getting EXACTLY what I came for. The only exceptions to this are grocery shopping and Target-shopping. (Target is built like a casino, if you haven't noticed. No clocks, no windows. Calculated so you lose track of time. If they served drinks, they could put up Blackjack tables.) Back to wings.
I happen to love bats, I think they are way cute. One time in Stratford, Ontario (one of my fav places on the planet) we were staying in theatre housing 'cuz my hubby does voicey speechy things up there pretty regularly. If you haven't been, you should go - the shows are awesome. Anyway, we had just seen "Dracula: The Musical." Which was excellent, btw. And Gary was brushing his teeth, and I was in bed reading Dracula. (No kidding.) And my little boy calls out, "Mommy, there's a bird in my room." Only it wasn't a bird. I went in his room, heard leathery flapping, and knew we were dealing with a bat. Much hilarity ensued, and we all spent the night in the same bed, giggling about bats and how clumsy they seem. They do seem clumsy, and I relate to them for that - I'm the clumsiest person you will ever meet. That's a whole 'nother blog, though.
So, I have two choices (Thank God! She came back to her original point!), leathery or feathery. Because I don't want to weigh any more than I do now, I might choose feathers. But because I wear black all the time, I would choose bat wings. Also, then you get to wear a cape. There are rules, ya know. Hmmm, though I s'pose I could ask for those "Black Swan" kinda wings little Natalie Portman sported in, well, "Black Swan." Also, I'm a night person, so it just seems like that fits me better.
And, just for hygiene, I think you could just hose down the bat wings, or use a nice cranberry body wash on them. Not so easy with feathers. Seems that could be tough. Like cleaning a pug's face. (eeuwwww)
Now, before you go getting all judgmentally-butt on me, because I like "scary" stuff so much, you should know that I also think angels seem way scary. I mean, really. In the Bible, they are always popping up somewhere, doing God-knows-what (literally), stuff like wrestling with Jacob or visiting Sodom and Gomorrah (highly inconveniencing Lot), or showing up with daunting news to virgins.
Now, don't get ahead of me, I'm not talking big picture, just in-the-moment stuff. Like, a bright shiny stranger shows up and starts talking to you. You'd be like, omigosh, I was just in the shower, did he see that? Does he know my iTunes password now? Is nothing sacred?!
BTW, you know angels are not the dearly departed, right? They are a whole other race of beings. Like those little guys that crashed in Area 51, or whatever Christopher Walken is. (Luv him.)
Anyway, I think a bigass angel showing up is one of those, excuse-me-but-I-need-to-change-my-underwear moments. Not that I've ever had one of those.
If I had that job (because angels are NEVER unemployed), of showing up and laying news on people, or showing up to wrestle them, or whatever, I think I would want to announce me first. Or have someone do it. Like an angel butler with a little tray (saver? savver? How DO you spell that little tray word?) with your card on it, who would announce you. That'd be cool. And much more polite. Though, I would be more like a bat-angel, what with my leathery wings and all. And I probably wouldn't need an announcer-butler, because I woulda probably Tweeted that I was coming, anyway.
Another good reason to follow me on Twitter. So you can have the Diet Coke iced down in anticipation of my arrival.
Anyway, I need to get going. I have a job on my art table, and a deadline early next week. Which involves me drawing a cute little bat, dontcha know! Yep, it's Halloween-finish time in greeting-card-land!
Yep, my super-power would be flying. With big leathery bat wings.
But, I gotta come up with a better superhero name than . . . "Bigass Bat-Angel."
peace, luv, and other things hippies say,